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Hillary and Timothy

I spent the weekend in New Hampshire visiting my son at summer camp. One of the pastimes in the boys’ cabin, I learned, was an ongoing competition to see who could be the first to commit  the entire libretto of Hamilton to memory. Hearing them practice, over and over, gave me my own pastime on the long trip back to New York tonight.

So here, inspired by the lyrics of Lin-Manuel Miranda, and rapped to the tune of “Alexander Hamilton,” is a little ditty to welcome us to convention week: “Hillary and Timothy.”

Take it away, company…

HILLARY AND TIMOTHY

DONALD TRUMP:
How does a crooked, corrupt, corporate sellout, and a
Wellesleyan, dropped in the middle of the deep South
To Arkansas for marriage, power, and work as an attorney
Arrive at Philly after beating up on Bernie?

BARACK OBAMA:
The globe-trotting SecState flew to Russia as a starter
Took a ‘reset button,’ but the work was much harder
Was emailing less smarter from a server in her parlor
Then, at sixty-seven, campaigning like Jimmy Carter

JOHN PODESTA:
And every year while women were bustin’ through glass ceilings
The press told the lady to show us more of her feelings
Aides concocted recipes to make her more appealing
Clinton, Fox News cried, was only expert at concealing

BILL CLINTON:
The Scooby Van came, made a road trip to the plains
Won the nomination, had a running mate to name
I offered my advice: a smart guy, ready-but-not-too-vane
The fella she plucked for fame: a Virginian named Tim Kaine

TRUMP:
I tweeted out my thoughts, I said, man, “ISIS is drooling.”
Pocahontas left at the altar, who’s this girl fooling?
Pence is more prepared, he’ll give them a Hoosier schooling, and
Come January, who’s gonna be ruling?

CLINTON AND KAINE:
Hillary and Timothy
Our names are Hillary and Timothy
Seventy million votes we’ve gotta get
State by state, state by state

CHELSEA CLINTON:
When dad left D.C., my folks came to New York, debt-ridden
Mom won a senate seat, left pop in Chappaqua sittin’
She served the nation, he launched a foundation

COMPANY:
Hill rose to power while Bill sought out donations

CHARLES SCHUMER:
She acted like a freshman, knew her place, downplayed her fame
Huddled quietly with her aides up on Whitehaven Lane
Fought for first responders when the towers came down
They thought it was her time, at last, when two thousand eight came around

TRUMP:
I thought there was nothin’ to the job
But I was less astute
The Apprentice was my chosen route
Owned Miss America; looked great in a suit
Kept taxes to myself; daddy was a landlord
China’s always screwing us; it’s okay to waterboard
Wrote a book with someone else, don’t care to read more
When my net worth is questioned, I get pretty sore
Fred stayed in Queens, but I headed to Manhattan
In New York I could be a new man

COMPANY                                                               CLINTON/KAINE:
In sixteen you can elect a woman                          State by state
In sixteen you can elect a woman                          State by state
In sixteen you can elect a woman

WOMEN:
In sixteen

MEN:
Sixteen

CLINTON AND KAINE:
State by state

COMPANY:                                                           COMPANY:
Hillary and Timothy                                          Hillary and Timothy
You’ve waited years for your turn to come   Waited years for your turn to come
You’ve done every job now
And you’ve taken your own sweet time       Taken your own sweet time
Oh, Hillary and Timothy                                Hillary and Timothy
There’s no time left to burn                          No time left to burn
You might have stayed on the fence           Might have stayed on the fence
Fights with Sanders were too tense           Fights with Sanders were too tense
Now it’s just you and Trump and Pence   Now it’s just you and Trump and Pence

TRUMP:                                                                COMPANY:
I’m on the escalator now                                   State by state
See if you can spot me
Descending from the tower,
An orange-haired nominee                              State by state
Makin’ America Great Again
Takin’ on our enemies

CHARLES SCHUMER/AL FRANKEN
We served with them

JOEL BENENSON:
Me? I poll for them

AMY CHOZICK:
Me? I report on them 

BILL CLINTON/ANNIE HOLTON:
We? We married them

TRUMP:
And me? I’m the damn fool who tweeted them

COMPANY:
Seventy million votes they’ve gotta get,
State by state!

TRUMP:
What’s your ticket?

CLINTON/KAINE & COMPANY:
Hillary and Timothy!

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